Everything else

The photos that didn't fit nicely with the other posts …

At the Sunday brunch, Rae decided to get chocolate cake for dessert. Kaylee decided she wanted to share.

Another of the many photos of James on the floor covered in babies.

Low light + iPhone camera + newlyweds + pubic humiliation = a poor photo that's too good to edit out.

Photographic proof that Uncle Steve was physically able to come within a foot of my child without reducing her to tears.

Is it time to go back yet?

See you in July!

At the park today, we found ...

... a cool tunnel to walk through ...

... baby ducks (which tried to bite us) ...

... a waterfall (it's "reclaimed water" so don't drink it) ...

... and a rose garden.

Dear iPhone. She may be short, but my daughter is not a Munchkin.
Curse you and your lens distortion.

More, more photos

I'd been sitting on these to post last week. Then everyone got sick. So you get them now. Who knows how long you'll have to wait to see the stuff I shot this weekend.

I don't what's funnier about this photo. The fact that Kaylee HAD to help me carry her dirty diapers out to the trash ... or the fact that she refused to get dressed until I let her.

Looks like Kaylee is ready to start wearing "big girl pants." Unfortunately, they belong to mom – who will likely shoot me for posting photos of her underpants on the internets. Good thing Kaylee didn't grab the frilly ones.

OK - you didn't have to wait that long. Here's one from Friday night.

What can I say – I'm a sucker for a good dog photo. And the kid sure does get a kick out sitting in the same chair as him ... almost as much as she gets out of sitting on him like a chair ... but I don't have THAT picture yet.

Either ...

... they are making Diaper Genie refills a little less potent, or my daughter is making her diapers a little more potent.

Either way, I lose.

More photos

Spent all day at home with a sick child today. Can't say that it broke my heart to do so. She may have felt bad – but she sure was in the mood to cuddle. The worst thing about the day was probably my decision to watch "Death Wish 4." The movie made me Charles Bronson would put me out of my misery.*

But I don't have photos from today. Instead, I give you happier times.

Like Saturday ...

We took Kaylee out for lunch and got her three favorite things. Ham. Cheese. Olives. I don't know where she got a taste for those vile, little, black things ... she sure didn't get it from me.

This weekend was the first time Kaylee has ever worn a hat without tearing it from her head – and the famed Fourth Avenue Street Fair. I just realized that Tucson has a street fair on an avenue. And it's not like we even pretend that it's a street. It's quite well known as Fourth Ave.  I guess you could call it the Avenue Fair. Or if you really want to have a street fair – just hold it on a street. Or if they really wanted to get an appropriate name, they could call it the Bunch of Crap in Tents on Fourth Avenue Fair.

But Kaylee seemed to like it. Especially after she got her balloon.

Now I know that it looks like I've got the kid on a leash. But she really wanted to walk. And she really wanted to hold her balloon. (She LOVES balloons.**) I tell you, this kid was in heaven ... right up until the time we got into the car, she got her diaper changed and Dad let the balloon fly out the open car door.

* I already brought this up with Maggie – but have you noticed that any evil "gang" in an 80s movie is an odd, multi-cultural mix of "Mad Max" and "Fame"? Usually led by a large white guy with a mohawk and some kind of urban tribal war paint. They're all chains and bad hair.

** If Grandpa Charlie and Cindy make sure there are balloons as wedding reception decorations, there will be at least one very happy grand child. Just sayin'.

Do not read over breakfast

So Kaylee's down for her nap. And it's a looong nap. We just figure she's catching up on sleep since she's had such a long weekend. An hour and a half in she starts fussing. Then more sleep. This goes on for another hour, when she finally wakes up.

So I do the un-Dadish thing to do and go get her, change her diaper ... And she runs straight to Mom.

Back to my computer I go (I was busy with the LAST update) while Kaylee and Rae make with the yogurt for a snack. Typical Sunday afternoon so far. And then ...

[Rae] Mike ...

[Me] Yeah?

[Rae] I don't think Kaylee feels too good.

[Me] Yeah?

[Rae] She's just lying here and she's letting me feed her. (When it comes to yogurt, Kaylee MUST operate the spoon. No matter how little yogurt makes it into her mouth.)

[Me] Huh.

So a few minutes go by and nothing. Finally, Kaylee waddles around the corner and stops next to my chair, looking at me with inquisitive eyes. This usually means she wants to sit on my lap and watch singing kitties on the You Tubes.

[Me] You want up?

She says nothing.

[Me] Up?

She looks at me, opens her mouth and let's out a silent burp. Then holds her arms out for me.

So I lean down to pick her up ... and puke. Technicolor yawn right past my face and painting the floor with what still appears to be yogurt. Strawberry I think.

I'm just glad I didn't pick her up the first time. That could have been my keyboard instead of the carpet.

So then I pull THE most Dadish move I've pulled yet. I scoop up the kid, announce to Rae what has happened and whisk Kaylee away to the bathroom to clean her up and change her into pajamas. Leaving the chunky strawberry puddle for Rae to blot out of the carpet. I can't say it was premeditated – but I also can't say that once I realized what I had done that I was terribly upset with my choice. In fact – this was the only time (even counting college) I can remember wiping vomit off someone's face and smiling.

These are the moments the blog was created for.

Poor kid.

Eating outs

I remember when Rae was pregnant, we went out to eat (an Applebees I think – high dining to be sure) and a family of five was seated near us. The teenager talked on the phone. The middle child couldn't sit still. The two year old yelled and threw things and went through two plates of food before he actually ate anything.

On the way out the mother noticed that Rae was pregnant. "Enjoy it while you can," she said. 

We didn't think too much of it at the time – but we have made the transition from "Oh God, can you believe they brought a screaming child to this fine dining establishment," to "Oh God, can you please keep her quiet long enough for me to inhale this cheeseburger wrapped in paper."

But at least I'm not one of those people who brings their toddler to a late-night horror movie.

Update?

So Dad tried to sick Rae on me ... telling me that I need to update the site. Sorry, I've been busy trying to plan your summer vacation. :-P

But fear not - I've got a handful of photos that are update-worthy. And I'll post them just as soon as I log into the site with something other than my phone.

Photo gallery

The iPhone's camera is pretty crappy – but it's pretty handy. And since I wasn't carrying around a REAL camera at the time, I guess we should all be thankful I was able to catch such great moments, despite the lack in resolution and color balance issues.

This was intended to be a picture of Kaylee pigging out and licking all the jelly off of Rae's toast. But what we ended up with was a picture of Rae learning just how many teeth the kid has. I just wish you could see her eyes – think  Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Total Recall".

Kaylee finds Dad lurking underneath the playground equipment.

Taking a break at the park – and very proud of the fact that she's stolen Mom's Sprite. (That's the remains of Mom's toast all over her shirt.)

Just a photo to prove that even when she looks ridiculous, she's still pretty darn cute. (Why Rae gave her a highlighter to play with still baffles me.)

To Kaylee goes the spoils

Grandma Della decided that Kaylee had to have a sandbox. (Despite the fact that we LIVE in a sandbox.) And to make certain that she got it – Della left Mom and Dad with a little cash to make it happen.

Well – Kaylee got her sandbox (or an upright equivalent) and Della was right. Kaylee loves her sandbox. I have never seen that kid scream and fight as much as she did when Rae made her go inside.

So thank you Grandma Della. We all miss you already.

Eggs!

Silly Kaylee – you can't eat that yet.

First, you have to CAREFULLY place the eggs in the dye.

Then you take them out to dry.

Then the Easter Bunny or some similar deity comes to your house in the middle of the night, takes the colored eggs out of the fridge and hides them in the front yard for you to find. It's an Easter miracle!

Maybe the bunny should have been more careful where he hid the eggs. That doesn't look very baby safe.

Then you look over your haul to see what the ratio of shattered to solid eggs is. (About 3 to 1)

Then you pose for Dad with your toe perfectly cocked so he can get the perfect "look how cute my little girl is" photo.

And THEN you eat them.

I'd like to point out ...

I can count on NO hands the number of times I've let Kaylee run around without a diaper and let her pee all over the carpet.

NONE.

Rae is getting pretty close to that second hand right now ...

Hangin' with Grandma Della

We've had Della with us since Friday. I don't know who's feeling more spoiled - Della, who gets to spend all kinds of time with the kid; Kaylee, who has an all-day playmate for the week; or us, we get a free baby-sitter for the week.

Personally, I think it's a win-win-win situation.

This is either Kaylee saying good-bye to Della after a wonderful week. Or it's her "get that paparazzi camera outta my face" pose.

And now for something completely different

Happy (early) St. Pat's Day from The Monkey House.

Shhhhh ...

Kaylee doesn't like it when the dogs next door won't shut up –
and she's not afraid to tell them either.

Video time.

Kaylee was cute enough this evening to make me break out the video editing software. Maybe I'll cut together a few other videos I've been sitting on while I'm at it.

But probably not.

It's all about the shoes.

So remember I mentioned that Kaylee loves her shoes? And my shoes? And Rae's shoes? Well, she got a pair of little wooden shoes for Christmas from her Aunt Becky (no, that's Ant Becky – this is Auwnt Becky). She loves to play with them – bang them together – but she's never tried to put them on.

Until tonight.

She took them off the chest – like any other night – but instead of playing with them, she decided to sit down and try to put them on. So being the helpful father that I am (quiet you – yes you – you know exactly whom I am addressing) I proceeded to cram her size fours into what might be a three and a half.


Keep in mind that not only are these things too small, they are hard to walk in – AND MADE OF WOOD. (Even at this young age, she knows that the most fun shoes aren't always the most comfortable.) But she had a great time running around the house – making all kinds of noise on the hardwood floors. As a matter of fact – she was rather PO'd at me when I finally took them off of her.

I have a feeling that she inherited her mother's first love.

Back at the Doctor of Babies

Monday was Kaylee's 15-month checkup and I got the pleasure of flying solo with her at the doctor's office. No big deal, I take her places all the time. So I got out of work a bit early, headed over to day care and drove her in.

All is good. We're signing her in. We're playing with those tables with the beads on wires all over them. We're looking at fish.

Then we go to change her diaper. And all hell breaks loose.

It seems that she remembers the Doctor of Babies' office. And she remembers that when she gets naked – she gets a huge needle crammed in her leg.

So I fought with her and her diaper for five minutes before we finally got things taken care of. As soon as she was dressed again she was fine.

Until we got back to the examination room. There she had to get stripped down again to get weighed and examined. And as soon as the first shoe came off – the waterworks started. It was 15 minutes of torture for me – and I can't imagine what it was like for her. But based on her screams it was somewhere in between being burned alive and being mauled by a large tiger with dull teeth.

But again – as soon as the clothes were back on everything was fine. She jabbered all the way home.

Exam-wise all is good. She's finally hit 20 pounds - which puts her in the 15-25th percentile in weight for her age. So she's going to be a tiny kid. I wonder where she gets that from?

This has nothing to do with Kaylee

But this website is too good not to pass on.

Overheard ...

"The way she was playing with my belly the other day – I really think she'd love to have some Play-Doh."

Rae – who realized as soon as she said this that it would end up on the blog. Poor Rae.

Updates of sorts

Tooths: She's officially sporting four teeth these days. Two on top and two on the bottom. She looks like a little beaver. And the way she's been chewing on things – Rae thinks there are more on the way. She's also showing a bit of the "Rice Gap" between her two top teeth ... we'll see if that's something she outgrows or not.

Words: "Dadee" and "Mum" have been staples for a while now, but she's starting to really use other words now. (Not just fluky wordish sounding things like in the past.) She likes to throw the "bawbaw" and play catch with "Ahday" and Porkchop. She loves to chase the "keekees" and freaks out whenever she sees a "pawpee" on TV. Her "uh uh uhs" are slowly becoming "me me mes" when she sees something she wants. Oh – and she's started putting her finger to her mouth and shushing us when we're too loud. Way too cute.

Shoes: The kid is obsessed with her shoes. She likes to carry them. She bends over to stare at them on her feet. When she is "me me me-ing" at her shelves it's often because she wants her slippers – not one of the many toys. She'll sit for hours (OK - minutes. But that's hours in toddler time.) trying to put shoes on her feet. And then there's our shoes. She wears them. Carries them around the house. Brings them to us. Puts them away for us. I swear we've got a little Imelda Marcos on our hands.

More zoo

The weather has officially warmed up (not that it ever seems really cold here) and everyone is relatively healthy, so we celebrated with another trip to the zoo. (For the amount of time we spend there, we really need to just get a membership.) Turned out to be a pretty good trip since Kaylee is at the age where she can finally enjoy it and run around a bit.

Yes, polar bears in the desert. The pair were very active this afternoon and Kaylee watched them for about 15 minutes. She kept trying to call them like she does the cats at home.

Birds were the big hit though. Lots of pointing and screeching.
That's Kaylee* – not the birds.

We had a hard time getting her away from the flamingos – she kept trying to figure out how to get out to them. If there hadn't been a fence, I think we would have had a wet toddler** on our hands.

We arrived at the giraffe enclosure just in time for feeding.
Unfortunately, Rae couldn't quite figure out the zoom.

For some reason, Kaylee wasn't really fond of the giraffe's two-foot long, purple tongue. The poor kid practically crawled on to my back trying to get away from it.

By the time we reached the otters, she was fading fast. Not even two cute, swimming cat-rat-things could keep her head off the railing.

It took all of thirty seconds for her to pass out on the drive home.

Kaylee today: iwantiwantiwantiwant

* Also note the cute hair. Kaylee finally has enough that she can sport TWO pigtails instead of just the one Ed Grimley spike. And Rae got her sassy new do yesterday – after more than a year away from the salon. Being seen in public with these two does wonders for your self-esteem.
** Funny, unrelated story. As we were sitting down to eat lunch, we watched a family walk in to the zoo. Within seconds – their little girl fell into a puddle, was covered in mud and was screaming bloody murder. The family promptly left. I've never laughed so hard in my life. Of course now that I've made fun of them, something similar will happen to us and I will be forced to find the humor in it. Luckily, Rae plans on bringing the kid a change of clothes until she's at least fifteen. I'm sure THAT will cost a bundle in therapy bills though ... I just can't win.

Photo-rama-jama

Someone got Kaylee a subscription to Ranger Rick magazine. She loves the pictures of animals – I love that someone out there is still supporting print media!

Check it out – more teeth! She can finally bite stuff.
Just make sure to keep your fingers clear.

For some reason Rae thought it would be a good idea to let Kaylee feed herself yogurt. I got the "Mike – can you bring us a paper towel" call at least twice.

Feel the love

So I picked up something nasty while I was away on business in Syracuse last week. Bad enough that while I was sick all last week, I actually stayed home today. (After probably sharing my funk with half the office.)

So I spent the day on the couch, watching horrible movies like "American Psycho" and "Norbit." (I don't know why I watched them – perhaps I thought I'd feel better after they were over. For the record – I felt worse.) But I finally perked up a bit when Rae called me to tell me she was picking up Kaylee and coming home.

So when I heard the door open I took my position, half hiding in the hallway so Kaylee could come find me. Hide and seek has been a favorite game for a while – nothing makes her smile wider. So imagine my delight when she runs into the room, points, smiles, screams … and goes running for the TV, where she proceeded to ignore me as she jumped up and down and squealed with delight.

Kaylee's favorite daddy is officially Homer Simpson.

D'oh.

Angry baby

Eddie's not sure what he did wrong ... but I'm sure he's sorry.

Grandpa Charlie wants a photo addendum

Just saw Becky's blog for the first time in about a week.

Dad - I'd be more than willing to take as many "pretty pictures" of Kaylee as you would like.

But first you need to buy me a new camera. This point and shoot can't compete with Becky's monster.

Grandpa Charlie wants a photo

While I was gone on a business trip, Dad called up Rae and asked her to tell me to post a nice picture of Kaylee "looking pretty" on the blog. Not a "booger inspection" photo.

Apparently, my sister has been posting some very cute photos of my niece on her blog. Dad would like me to do the same.

Well tough.

You see, around here we don't do "pretty." Kaylee is already too cute. If I prettied her up and posted a photo – your brains wouldn't be able to take it. Your eyes would explode and your face would melt. And Kaylee doesn't like blind, melty-faced people.

So as a public service to you, we only bring you booger photos. And messy face photos. And trucks. Trucks with Spider-Man front and center.

But we also throw in monkey pajamas and little teapots … here at The Monkey House, we're willing to meet you half way.

Kaylee today: Mother-truckin'

Cooking class

Kaylee has graduated from playing with pots on the floor to actually helping Rae out on the stove.

And by helping, I mean tasting.

Photo-rama

Just because Kaylee and Eddie are the best of friends doesn't mean that she likes everything about him. His ears stink, he eats her food and that tongue is a killer.

Booger inspection.

Kaylee loves books.
Even if she doesn't really have the hang of them yet.