Five Guys

(Second) best burgers, ever.

Happiness is ...

(your daughter eating enough of her fish to get) a bowl of ice cream.

Fountain fun

Three spitting fish in Charlotte. Hilight of the day so far.

Better late than never VOL 3

Sure, the wedding was nice. But hanging out with Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Cindy at the Dallas aquarium was even better. Kaylee got to ...

... hand-feed a blueberry to a bird. (Dumb bird wouldn't come near Dad - but Kaylee and Grandma Cindy got him to poke his head out right away.)

... checked out Grandpa Charlie's favorite fish - hundreds of zippy little neon tetras.

... walk through the underwater tunnel and be surrounded by fish and sharks.

... watch the sea turtles. We did this a lot, because sea turtles are really cool.

Better late than never, VOL 2

The wedding was a traditional Zoroastrian wedding ...

... which was very cool to watch ...

... unless you're two, then the rocks on the ground are slightly more interesting.

I'll take cute for the win.

There were flower petals everywhere. Kaylee made sure they were put into neat little piles and then thrown up in the air for redistribution and then put into neat little piles and then ... you get the picture. We're just thankful we were able to keep her from them until after the ceremony.

Hanging out and chatting with Grandma Cindy at the reception was nice ...

... but dancing with Grandpa Charlie (or anyone really - hell, she's perfectly content dancing by herself - this was just the best picture we had from the dance floor) was the highlight of the evening.

Better late than never VOL 1

Yes, I'm late. But if you know me - you'd better expect that by now.

So I don't know if you remember or not - but we took a little road trip a while ago. Rae, the kid and I piled into our fuel-efficient Hyundai and made the trek from Tucson to Dallas for my cousin Shay's wedding. Fourteen hours in the car - each way - teaches you a lot about the people you're riding with. Other than the fact that I wouldn't trade my co-pilots for the world, I learned:

1. NEVER attempt a road trip without an iPod and a digital copy of The Little Mermaid. I do need to find a smaller set of headphones though.

2. Kaylee will do anything for ice cream. All you have to do threaten to a) take it away, b) never stop for it again.

3. Texas is REALLY frikkin' wide.

More to come.

Yoga

Apparently, all that flexible stuff is easy if you're two.

It's official

Chucks improve every outfit.

Playdate

So Kaylee had her first playdate (with Sara at the zoo) and it went pretty well. Sara's dad is almost as geeky as me - and her mom seems just as tolerant of it as Rae.

And the girls get along pretty well too.

This morning ...

... we were awakened by the sound of crying. this struck me as odd, because Kaylee usually has no problem getting out of bed and coming into our room. In fact, she does that several times a night. (In fact, she did it just last night. Sneaking into our room in the dark like a ninja and hiding under the bedside table. Rae's only clue was the heavy breathing, which is kind of creepy now that I think about it.)

So I investigated and found she wasn't in her room. So I followed the noise into the office where I found ...

A certain child clutching her bink in one hand and a mangled, yet unopened, stick of string cheese in the other ... sitting in a puddle of warming vanilla yogurt ... locked inside one of the dog's crates ... watching a get rich quick infomercial on the television.

Seriously. You can't make this stuff up.

I only wish I'd been mean enough to grab the camera before letting her out.

From Sunday

This is one of the only photos worth publishing from our trip to see
Sesame Street Live because:

A) The lights were usually pretty low,
B) The iPhone has a pretty crappy camera,
C) Kaylee was so busy spinning and dancing that this is the only shot
where she doesn't look like a blurry mess.

I have never seen her so excited. The only thing that could have been better is if we'd been able to meet the cast.

I'm thinking Disney is pencilled in for next summer.

Kaylee loves her squash

She grew it in her garden.

She hugs it and loves it.

But I'm willing to bet that she won't eat it.

Kaylee's new favorite video

Nothing is cuter than watching the kid attempt to sing along with this ... except maybe watching her try to dance along with it.

I know you're asking yourself where you know this from ... apparently this tune is great for learning to count to four AND for selling iPod Nanos.

Sesame Street. Training America's future consumers for 40+ years.

The Kaylee Workout

Step one: Strap on leg weights that are at least 1/6th your body weight.

Step two: Roll around on the floor and act cute.

Two sets of 30 reps with each leg.

Go.

It's picture day!

If you're nice, I'll send you one.

Fully dressed

No self-respecting princess would even think about going to school
without her tiara.

Happy Mothers Day

Kaylee was very proud of her framed portrait of Mommy.*

Mom seemed to like it too.

* You can kinda see Rae in it - if you squint. You know, just let your eyes cross. Personally, I see a sailboat.

Scenes from life

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING

A YOUNG MOTHER struggles with her DAUGHTER trying to get her ready to go to school. The DAUGHTER sips from her juice cup as she dodges MOTHER'S attempts to fix her hair.

MOTHER
Kaylee, settle down please.

DAUGHTER
Pppffffftttttt! (laughs)

MOTHER
(Sternly) Kaylee, spitting is not OK. That's not funny.

DAUGHTER
Not funny for you ...

MOTHER stifles a laugh and runs off stage to tell FATHER what happened. FATHER immediately updates blog.

Dancing queens

Kaylee and Rae "bring sexy back."

If you're ever stuck in Dallas part 2 ...

Grandma Cindy recommends you bring a spare shirt to the aquarium, just in case you get pooped on.

If you're ever stuck in Dallas ...

Kaylee and Rae recommend the aquarium. Especially the otters.

Lunch with Grandma Cindy

<cheese> Hugs on the menu. </cheese>

On our way to Texas ...

But not all of us are awake yet.

Lesson plan

Good to know they are starting early with the fundamentals at Kaylee's school. I was afraid all of that would be left to Rae and I to teach her at home.

Pima County Fair

Pony - rode.

Goats - pet.

Carnivored.

Cornivored.

Carouselled.

Ferris Wheeled.

Roger Clyne-ed.

(What she really thought of it.)

Not a bad day.

Our cactus bloomed ...

... and Kaylee learned:

A) The cactus blooms once a year.
B) The flowers smell wonderful.
C) While the flower is soft and delicate, the cactus still hurts like
a sonuvagun when you grab it.

Sure, there's a new baby ...

... but can IzzyButt KNIT? (And yes, she's knitting with drum sticks. What great improvisational skills she has!)

Yeah. We didn't think so.

It's a monkey.

Can't you tell?

Easter eggs

Late, yes. But at least I bothered to upload. (Don't go looking for Easter Egg hunting photos. They didn't turn out.)

Easter swag

Necklace and bracelet and earrings!
(And lots of candy.)
Thanks Grammy!

Sick day

Kaylee came home with a fever today, so we underwent bubble-therapy.

Seems to have done the trick.

My parrot

So Kaylee is at the age where she repeats everything.

Everything.

It's not so bad - that's how they learn. They hear something on TV - or hear you say something - they repeat it and see how you react. That's how kids learn things like how to ask for something, good manners and pronouns. (Coincidentally all things Kaylee is pretty bad at.)

But it's also how they pick up things that you would really rather they didn't. Things like slang, swearing and that comment about my step-mother that could potentially ruin Christmas.

I'm sure you think you know where this is going. "Oh, Kaylee said something inappropriate and it was soooo cute." Well, yeah. Kinda.

I had always assumed that my daughter would randomly say things like "dambuss" and "forking holl – learn to drive!" and "gaddomn forking piece of shot cat possed on the couch again!"* This was one that took me by surprise.

You see, at school today (because this kind of thing NEVER happens at home where parents can just sweep it under the rug and forget about it) Kaylee walked up to her teachers and told them that she was horny.

"I horny." I'm pretty sure that's the exact quote.

The teachers (I'm sure trying to stifle a laugh while speed-dialing CPS) asked her to repeat herself – just to make sure they heard what they thought they heard.

"I horny." Yup. That was it. And I'm sure she looked sooo proud of herself saying it too.

And now you're laughing a little and thinking to yourself "Gee, that's not THAT bad. What's he so worried about?"

Did I mention she had just walked out of the bathroom – buck nekkid, with her diaper around one ankle?

Yeah. That's my daughter.

I must have done something really nasty to my parents to deserve this.

* Spellings obviously changed for the more sensitive – but if you can't figure them out, you don't know me very well.

AL. EEE. GAY. TOR.

I really wish I had the picture of Kaylee with her head in it's mouth.
Priceless.

At the Dead Animal Zoo

Watching the polar bears just isn't the same.

Out for a walk

Too. Damn. Cute.