Dear Kaylee

Dear Kaylee,

You asked me to send you pictures of my trip and of snow. This is both in one shot!

I took this while I was in the airplane this afternoon. That's Chicago! Doesn't it look tiny? (If you look closely at the bottom of the photo, you can see Wrigley Field. That's where the Cubs play baseball!)

I got to see all the snow from the air. It was cool. We even flew over the lake. It was covered in ice!

Be good for Mommy. I miss you and will see you soon.

Love, Daddy

The kid's got taste

New artwork for the bedroom. Kaylee approves.

On the way to school

Daddy, why is it Grandpa Charlie's birthday?

Because this is the day he was born, kid.

He was borned? Then who's his mommy?

GG is his mommy. Everybody has a mommy.

Yeah. I have a mommy and she has a mommy and you have a mommy.

Yup.

I bet Grandma Susie is in your heart even though she died.

Yeah …

Kids. They say the darndest things.

Someone should make a TV show about that.

Snow art

"I'm throwing snowballs at the stop light."

Quote of the night

"My bottom is burning!!"

Running around the McDonald's playplace while singing Mr. Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire"

My geek is learning to spell

Momma cow.

Octopus.

Lion.

Ghostbuster.

Wolverine.

Captain America.

Awesome

Cheeeeesssseeeee ...

The latest favorite

Fruit Ninja. Watch out for the bombs.

Growing up

Watching her get ready for school this morning, I laughed to myself as she strained to look in the mirror to wipe the toothpaste from her chin. So grown up, yet so far to go.

Then I realized it wasn't too long ago that she couldn't see her face in the mirror.

Then I realized it wouldn't be long before she didn't need the step stool to see what she was doing.

Then I asked her to check her face again so I could save the moment.

Also ...

… because of our little trip up a little mountain – Kaylee now wants to try rock climbing.

At least she did before she tripped on some loose gravel and face-planted.

Luckily, we were already at the bottom.

Can I just say ...

I love my new camera.

Duh

Dad. I wish my tongue had feet.

Yeah? Why?

So it could walk.

Oh, of course. Would you take it for walks then?

No. We have two dogs already.

That would be silly.

Praying for a quiet Sunday

So yesterday was a day.

Kaylee apparently kept asking why I had to go to work (I left the house around 11 am after racing back from a shopping trip) — all she knew was that Daddy had to go make an important newspaper.

That's a good enough explanation I guess.

Just Google it

Dad?

Yes Kaylee?

I don't know why Max ran away from us.

I don't either kid.

And I don't know where she ran away to.

Well I'm sorry, I don't either kid.

Well, you could look it up on the internet.

"Daddy I have no cabities!"

Kaylee's first trip to the dentist was a success — despite some initial trepidation on her part. ("Those tools are hard and scary.")

She was very excited to tell me about her clean bill of dental health, but probably more excited about the "sticker, new toothpaste and toothbrush sticky thing I can put on the bottom of my toothbrush" that she was given for being such a good patient.

So far so good. But wait until she's old enough for them to break out the hook. That hygienist was a miner in a past life.

Tonight's tale

For whatever reason, the kid decided to tell her nightly "Princess Kaylee" story tonight. It is presented here, for your reading pleasure, in paraphrased form:

Once Upon A Time in a land far, far away, there was a smart, brave princess named Princess Kaylee. And she lived in a castle with her Mommy the Queen and her Daddy the King.

Princess Kaylee used her magic to shrink down and go inside her New York snow globe. While inside, she went around New York with her Daddy's friend Andreas. After they had seen all of the city, Princess Kaylee used her magic to grow big again.

But she forgot to get out of the snow globe first and it broke into pieces.

Princess Kaylee tried to fix it with her gentle hands, but that didn't work.

So Princess Kaylee tried to fix it with glue, but that didn't work.

And then her Mommy and Daddy fixed it with nails and a hammer.

The End

Weapon of choice

Kaylee got a gift card for Christmas (thanks Aunt Ruth — we bought dog food with ours) so she was very excited to go pick out her own toys and pay for them.

Pick number one: A Disney princess doll.

Pick number two: A Darth Vader lightsaber.

And the best part? Right before she stabbed me for the first time (actually pictured above), she says: "You are not a Jedi yet."

MAJOR geek points for that one kid.

Four of a kind

When I saw the Lucy and Ethel photo in the background I just had to give you a second bonus post today.

Priceless.

Prince Charming or Spider-Man?

This is what happens when you take a girl who is hard-wired to be a princess and try to raise her as a geek.

Future knitter?

Seeing as how the lesson lasted all of 30 seconds, I doubt it. But she is showing interest.

And yes, she is sitting in the dog's bed.

May the Forks be with you, part II

Highlights from the kid's first full viewing of Star Wars: Episode V

"Daddy. Is Darth Vader mean in this one still?"

"The words are leading up into the sky. That's cool."

"It's a snow monster! Like on Rudolph!"

Giggles. "That's silly. He cut his arm off with his dad's lightsaber."

"I saw a man with a Darth Vader hat. That means he's on Darth Vader's team."

"He put a rope around his legs and made him fall down! He got one!"

"I saw a baby one! (AT-ST)"

X-Wing crashing into Dagobah. "That's what our airplane sound like!"

First glimpse of Vader's bare head. "Why can you see his brains?"

"What do you think, is Yoda a good guy or a bad guy?"

"He's a silly guy."

"He's doing exercises."
"Does he want to be an acrobat?"
"No, he wants to be a Jedi. Like Yoda. And ride on people's backs."

"The ship is coming out! Yoda did it! But Daddy, it's so dirty."

"He's doing a handstand! I wish I could do a handstand."
"And make things float with your brain?"
"No. Just a handstand."

Watching Han get prepped for freezing. "Ow."

"Why did they make him frozen like ice? I don't like that."

"DARTH VADER IS HIS DADDY?!"

"Why's he getting a robot hand?"

Final thoughts on ESB: "I like the other one better. It's not as scary."

May the Forks be with you

Highlights from the kid's first full viewing of Star Wars: Episode IV

"I bet that's the rocket ship Darth Vaders in."

"Hey, they're in the desert. Just like WE live in the desert."

"Wow! That's a big yak!"
"That's a Bantha."
"No Dad. That's a yak."

"Why did the sandy people take his arm apart?"

"How did their house get blowed up?"
"The Stormtroopers did it."
"Well, I'm not scared of them. They're just make believe."

"Why did they destroy her planet? That was mean."

"I don't want to watch this part. They're going to get smooshed."

"Where's Luke?" "
That's Luke."
"No. That's Red 5."

"Why did he tell Luke to use the Forrest?"

"That's it? But they didn't get married!"

Big girl bed

So long toddler bed.

We're moving up to a twin.

And it's bouncy.

Christmas miracles

Kaylee, what do you want for Christmas this year?

A scooter, a round pillow and a mouse that is a clown.

A mouse that is a clown?

Yes.

Where am I supposed to find a mouse that is also a clown?

Daddy. You don't have to. Santa will bring it.

Santa.

Yes, Santa.

Oh, fudge.*

Thank god for moms and two am sewing projects. Did I say moms? I meant Santa.

* Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!

I don't care what else she gets ...

Birthday, Christmas, whatever ... It's going to be hard to beat a 1500 piece Disney Princess art set.

Merry Sithmas

Some kids get excited about going to the mall to see Santa.

Not MY kid.

She got shorter.

Well, her hair did anyway. About eight inches shorter.

Kaylee has been playing with scissors here at Grammy's all week. (No surprise, as cutting paper is one of her favorite things to do.) So I didn't think twice when she got them out last night. She cuts circles and squares and triangles and random other shapes and fast forward to:

Daddy! Look at me! (Complete with shit-eating grin)

What did you ...

I cut my hair! (Proudly displaying a handful of brown locks) Do you like ...

PUT THOSE DOWN. GO. GO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER.

And cue the waterworks.

I feel a little bad. I've been teasing her about cutting her hair for months now. In fact, I've been hoping to chop off the hair for quite some time. The only reason we haven't done it up until now is because Mom wasn't ready to let it go. But the kid kinda forced our hand. (See previous post for the proof.)

I think she was just trying to do what she thought Dad wanted her to do. Poor kid. She should know better than to trust me on any hair-related matters.

So this morning, we walked over to the local beauty salon. Kaylee was the youngest client by about 60 years. But she hopped up into that chair and was so excited as the inches fell off. I wish I had taken more pictures, she made faces I've never seen before.

Mom made it through - though she refused to watch most of it. But she seems genuinely pleased with the results.

Besides, it'll grow back.

Playing with scissors

The photo should be self-explanatory.

Happy birthday, kid

After two parties (and one to come) my monkey is finally four. She's been on a whirlwind tour of the midwest, showered with gifts, cakes and a little bit of love. If we're not careful, she'll start to think that Thanksgiving vacation is all about her. (Which it is.)

So don't be an Alice, grab a piece of cake and celebrate.

Cha Cha Cha.

I think I'm in trouble

I'd been hoping she'd be the one on the court playing. But I think she's destined for the sidelines.

Going shotgun shopping today.

Grandpa and the three fairies

Yeah. That right there makes the trip worth it.
Maybe not the getting up at 4 am part ...

When Kaylee grows up

Future plans (for today) include:

Be an acrobat.*

Live in New York.

Drive a pink truck.

* Past entries include: soldier, surgeon, waitress, veterinarian, cashier and mom.

How do you spell trouble?

Guess who found Mom's lipstick?

So tired

Mommy, I'm so tired.

Why honey?

I guess I just don't sleep as good as you and daddy.

You think? Why?

My bed is uncomfortable. Like the Princess and the Pea.

Guess we're going bed shopping soon ...

Monkeys

Just another day in The Monkeyhouse.

All Souls' Procession

We forgot our good camera, so all you get is this phone pic snapped in crappy light.

Good thing the subject is so photogenic.

My family

She got the shape of my head right ...

Who knew?

Apparently my daughter is the missing bastard child of Axl Rose and Jackie O.

Look what we got

Who wants school pictures?

Happy Howl-O-Ween

We decided to try out the Tucson Zoo's Howl-O-Ween party this year. Members got in early, but unless you pre-ordered tickets the line was still several hundred people deep. Luckily one of us was smart enough to scout around and find a spot to buy tickets. That saved us about 20 minutes.

There weren't any animals out (except the tiger and elephant who apparently refused to go to sleep early) but there were plenty of pirates ...

... and wenches ...

... and unofficial recreations of Disney characters ...

... wicked queens and princesses ...

... and minions ...

... The Dune Sea Garrison of the 501st (please note that my loving wife managed to crop Princess Leia in her slave outfit from the picture) ...

... Hutts (I was very excited that Kaylee wanted her picture taken with Jabba – until I realized she thought he was a really ugly seal) ...

... and cows (I had to bribe her with a piece of candy, but watching her square dance with a dork in a cow costume was worth it).

All in all a great way to spend $12 and about an hour and a half with the cutest witch, ever.

Defenestration

Mommy, today I wanted to play with Liam, but he wouldn't play with me.

Well, sometimes people don't want to play the same things. What did you want to play?

Window.

Window? How do you play that?

Two people go up in a castle and one of them pushes the other one out of the window and they die.

Liam didn't want to be the died one.

Image: The Defenestration of Prague, 1618

I don't need to smile

This is what it looks like when you know you're cute.

It's officially October

There's a ghost on my front door and a witch in my living room.
Bring on the candy.