Sure, there's a new baby ...

... but can IzzyButt KNIT? (And yes, she's knitting with drum sticks. What great improvisational skills she has!)

Yeah. We didn't think so.

It's a monkey.

Can't you tell?

Easter eggs

Late, yes. But at least I bothered to upload. (Don't go looking for Easter Egg hunting photos. They didn't turn out.)

Easter swag

Necklace and bracelet and earrings!
(And lots of candy.)
Thanks Grammy!

Sick day

Kaylee came home with a fever today, so we underwent bubble-therapy.

Seems to have done the trick.

My parrot

So Kaylee is at the age where she repeats everything.

Everything.

It's not so bad - that's how they learn. They hear something on TV - or hear you say something - they repeat it and see how you react. That's how kids learn things like how to ask for something, good manners and pronouns. (Coincidentally all things Kaylee is pretty bad at.)

But it's also how they pick up things that you would really rather they didn't. Things like slang, swearing and that comment about my step-mother that could potentially ruin Christmas.

I'm sure you think you know where this is going. "Oh, Kaylee said something inappropriate and it was soooo cute." Well, yeah. Kinda.

I had always assumed that my daughter would randomly say things like "dambuss" and "forking holl – learn to drive!" and "gaddomn forking piece of shot cat possed on the couch again!"* This was one that took me by surprise.

You see, at school today (because this kind of thing NEVER happens at home where parents can just sweep it under the rug and forget about it) Kaylee walked up to her teachers and told them that she was horny.

"I horny." I'm pretty sure that's the exact quote.

The teachers (I'm sure trying to stifle a laugh while speed-dialing CPS) asked her to repeat herself – just to make sure they heard what they thought they heard.

"I horny." Yup. That was it. And I'm sure she looked sooo proud of herself saying it too.

And now you're laughing a little and thinking to yourself "Gee, that's not THAT bad. What's he so worried about?"

Did I mention she had just walked out of the bathroom – buck nekkid, with her diaper around one ankle?

Yeah. That's my daughter.

I must have done something really nasty to my parents to deserve this.

* Spellings obviously changed for the more sensitive – but if you can't figure them out, you don't know me very well.

AL. EEE. GAY. TOR.

I really wish I had the picture of Kaylee with her head in it's mouth.
Priceless.

At the Dead Animal Zoo

Watching the polar bears just isn't the same.

Out for a walk

Too. Damn. Cute.

Sweep the leg Johnny

Kaylee shows off her mad karate skillz on her Spider-Man punching bag.
Kai! Kai! Kai!

Twirl

When choosing a dress for a wedding, one must make sure it will look good on the dance floor.

Obviously...

The Easter Bunny is significantly more approachable than Santa Claus.

Morning person

I'm not sure when it happened, but Kaylee has stopped being a morning person.

Just a month ago we woke up every morning to the pitter-patter of excited feet running to our room and were greeted with a smiling, giggling belly flop into bed.

Now, we hear grumping in her room, followed by crying and whining until she has woken up. "I no want breakfast. I no want change my diaper. I no want get dressed." This can go on for a few minutes – or up to an hour.

I'm wondering how soon I can start giving her coffee. That seems to work for her parents.

Don't eat the butter!

Kaylee makes the best grilled cheese sammiches ever.

Introducing ...

Kaylee and Hobbes.
(Yes, I helped with the name a bit.)

Christmas, late

So Uncle James lives in India. The crazy guy thought it would be a lot of fun if packed up his few wordly belongings, flew to the other side of the world and taught chemistry. Since he lives in an area that is only accessible by llama (I might be exaggerating a little bit) we don't hold it against him when it takes him an extra three months to get his niece her present.

Kaylee's Christmas present finally arrived yesterday – in a box that has more mileage than Pamela Anderson. This box has traveled from Illinois to India (to Hong Kong?) to Illinois and finally to Arizona. It smelled a little funny, was a little damp and looked like Ike Turner had worked it over. (Yes, I'm aware that I made two bad pop culture references in the same paragraph. I couldn't decide between the two of them – so you get both.)

Kaylee didn't care. She just wanted to open it.
This is her new "cheeeeese" face.

Gift #1: An awesome hand-made tiger. Uncle James has this really cool tradition of making stuffed animals for his nieces. So far Kaylee has a dolphin/shark thing made from a sock, a very cool Larry the Christmas Lobster and now this guy. "Is very special. Uncle James make me for her."

Gift #2: But as cool as the tiger is – Kaylee was more impressed by the cheap knock-off action figures that Uncle James sent. Included are: Almost Batman, Not Quite Spider-Man and Not Recognizable as any one Important Lad. I'm just thankful she is past the "everything goes in my mouth" phase – because who knows what vile toxins these things are made from.

Top-down drivin'

Kaylee wants Uncle Ry to know the weather is awesome.
Of course, it will be 120 by the time he gets here ...

Breakfast conversation

I eat my booberry muffin.

It goes in my neck and in my belly.

I go potty. It goes in my butt.

I flush it. Bye booberry poop!

Potty time

Frustration, thy name is Potty Training.

The kid uses the potty ALL the time at school. Several times a day. The teachers RAVE about how well she's doing.

But when she gets home, she screams and cries if you get her anywhere near the bathroom. "I no need potty! I go next time!"

And then she immediately pees her pants.

What really gets me is that she WAS using the bathroom at home on a regular basis. It's only very recently that it has become a huge problem.

We're trying not to force her - as we don't want to raise a serial killer ("I can stab!") - but this is killing me. Maybe if I only force her a little bit she'll stop with killing small animals.

Hmmmmm. That could solve some if my other urine-related problems. (I'm looking at you, cat.)

Humpty Dumpty*

So Kaylee, tell me about Humpty Dumpty.

He climb up stairs.

And then what?

He fall down.

OK.

He fall over. He get owie on his cheek.

Oh no!

He fall down and almost die.

Then what happened?

Horses, horses, horses horses.

* Compiled from several different conversations because a 2-year-old can only ride one train of thought for so long.