Monday, April 13, 2009

My parrot

So Kaylee is at the age where she repeats everything.

Everything.

It's not so bad - that's how they learn. They hear something on TV - or hear you say something - they repeat it and see how you react. That's how kids learn things like how to ask for something, good manners and pronouns. (Coincidentally all things Kaylee is pretty bad at.)

But it's also how they pick up things that you would really rather they didn't. Things like slang, swearing and that comment about my step-mother that could potentially ruin Christmas.

I'm sure you think you know where this is going. "Oh, Kaylee said something inappropriate and it was soooo cute." Well, yeah. Kinda.

I had always assumed that my daughter would randomly say things like "dambuss" and "forking holl – learn to drive!" and "gaddomn forking piece of shot cat possed on the couch again!"* This was one that took me by surprise.

You see, at school today (because this kind of thing NEVER happens at home where parents can just sweep it under the rug and forget about it) Kaylee walked up to her teachers and told them that she was horny.

"I horny." I'm pretty sure that's the exact quote.

The teachers (I'm sure trying to stifle a laugh while speed-dialing CPS) asked her to repeat herself – just to make sure they heard what they thought they heard.

"I horny." Yup. That was it. And I'm sure she looked sooo proud of herself saying it too.

And now you're laughing a little and thinking to yourself "Gee, that's not THAT bad. What's he so worried about?"

Did I mention she had just walked out of the bathroom – buck nekkid, with her diaper around one ankle?

Yeah. That's my daughter.

I must have done something really nasty to my parents to deserve this.

* Spellings obviously changed for the more sensitive – but if you can't figure them out, you don't know me very well.

4 comments:

Charlie and Cindy said...

Let's see....Ink on the toilet seat, no not bad enough. Mashed potato fight, nope. Having James flash the cub scout meeting...comes closer, but nah. I'm waiting still for the really juicy stories, and by the way...what comment re: Christmas?

niftysunburn said...

You know, this is also how the live action Masters of the Universe gets banned from your house for a few years.

monkeyhouse said...

The ink on the toilet seat wasn't me ... i'm just the only one who didn't get my butt whipped for it.

And what the hell does He-Man have to do with anything? I'm confused.

maggie said...

Oh my God this is cracking me up. I love you guys.

Have to go forward this to about 32 people now.