Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A conversation with Kaylee ... *

A living room. It is late. Father and child are tired and cranky. Mother is passed out on the couch because she just can't sleep through this.

I'm upset! I'm tired and hungry!
(Kaylee is presented with a bottle.)
I'm too ticked off to eat! And that makes me mad!
(Bottle is removed from baby's mouth. Child fills pants with filth.)
Now I'm hungry, tired AND uncomfortable. FIX ME.
(Kaylee is taken to another room, stripped, wiped, creamed, diapered. She is quiet until the event is over.)
HEY! I said I was #@*&^! hungry!
(Bottle is returned and Kaylee begins to eat, only to knock bottle aside with a stray, flailing arm)
HEY! Bring that back! I'm hungry dammit!
(Bottle is returned only to be knocked aside again. Arm is pinned to her side.)
WHY ARE YOU CONFINING ME??!! AND WHERE'S MY DAMN DINNER??!!
(Bottle is removed. Father bangs head on wall.)
**INCOHERENT SCREAMING**
(Bottle is offered one last time, eating commences. Child passes out.)

Scene.

* Loosely translated from baby.

2 comments:

Papa Allen said...

AAAAAAHH the joys of fatherhood! Ain't life grand? "Life interrupted" seems to take on new meaning, but &/or however you wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world! Just remember all the other "FIRSTS" to come..like the first time she says DADA! All unpleasant experiences just vanish. Gotta go now. Give the girls hugs&kisses for me too..GREAT BLOG!!! Please keep them pictures comin'...

Berda said...

Just think those are some nights I didn't miss and I'm going to start it all over again come August. Don't get me wrong we still have our good nights and bad nights but not as many. Talk to you later, it will get better I promise.