May the Forks be with you, part II

Highlights from the kid's first full viewing of Star Wars: Episode V

"Daddy. Is Darth Vader mean in this one still?"

"The words are leading up into the sky. That's cool."

"It's a snow monster! Like on Rudolph!"

Giggles. "That's silly. He cut his arm off with his dad's lightsaber."

"I saw a man with a Darth Vader hat. That means he's on Darth Vader's team."

"He put a rope around his legs and made him fall down! He got one!"

"I saw a baby one! (AT-ST)"

X-Wing crashing into Dagobah. "That's what our airplane sound like!"

First glimpse of Vader's bare head. "Why can you see his brains?"

"What do you think, is Yoda a good guy or a bad guy?"

"He's a silly guy."

"He's doing exercises."
"Does he want to be an acrobat?"
"No, he wants to be a Jedi. Like Yoda. And ride on people's backs."

"The ship is coming out! Yoda did it! But Daddy, it's so dirty."

"He's doing a handstand! I wish I could do a handstand."
"And make things float with your brain?"
"No. Just a handstand."

Watching Han get prepped for freezing. "Ow."

"Why did they make him frozen like ice? I don't like that."

"DARTH VADER IS HIS DADDY?!"

"Why's he getting a robot hand?"

Final thoughts on ESB: "I like the other one better. It's not as scary."

May the Forks be with you

Highlights from the kid's first full viewing of Star Wars: Episode IV

"I bet that's the rocket ship Darth Vaders in."

"Hey, they're in the desert. Just like WE live in the desert."

"Wow! That's a big yak!"
"That's a Bantha."
"No Dad. That's a yak."

"Why did the sandy people take his arm apart?"

"How did their house get blowed up?"
"The Stormtroopers did it."
"Well, I'm not scared of them. They're just make believe."

"Why did they destroy her planet? That was mean."

"I don't want to watch this part. They're going to get smooshed."

"Where's Luke?" "
That's Luke."
"No. That's Red 5."

"Why did he tell Luke to use the Forrest?"

"That's it? But they didn't get married!"

Big girl bed

So long toddler bed.

We're moving up to a twin.

And it's bouncy.

Christmas miracles

Kaylee, what do you want for Christmas this year?

A scooter, a round pillow and a mouse that is a clown.

A mouse that is a clown?

Yes.

Where am I supposed to find a mouse that is also a clown?

Daddy. You don't have to. Santa will bring it.

Santa.

Yes, Santa.

Oh, fudge.*

Thank god for moms and two am sewing projects. Did I say moms? I meant Santa.

* Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!

I don't care what else she gets ...

Birthday, Christmas, whatever ... It's going to be hard to beat a 1500 piece Disney Princess art set.

Merry Sithmas

Some kids get excited about going to the mall to see Santa.

Not MY kid.

She got shorter.

Well, her hair did anyway. About eight inches shorter.

Kaylee has been playing with scissors here at Grammy's all week. (No surprise, as cutting paper is one of her favorite things to do.) So I didn't think twice when she got them out last night. She cuts circles and squares and triangles and random other shapes and fast forward to:

Daddy! Look at me! (Complete with shit-eating grin)

What did you ...

I cut my hair! (Proudly displaying a handful of brown locks) Do you like ...

PUT THOSE DOWN. GO. GO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER.

And cue the waterworks.

I feel a little bad. I've been teasing her about cutting her hair for months now. In fact, I've been hoping to chop off the hair for quite some time. The only reason we haven't done it up until now is because Mom wasn't ready to let it go. But the kid kinda forced our hand. (See previous post for the proof.)

I think she was just trying to do what she thought Dad wanted her to do. Poor kid. She should know better than to trust me on any hair-related matters.

So this morning, we walked over to the local beauty salon. Kaylee was the youngest client by about 60 years. But she hopped up into that chair and was so excited as the inches fell off. I wish I had taken more pictures, she made faces I've never seen before.

Mom made it through - though she refused to watch most of it. But she seems genuinely pleased with the results.

Besides, it'll grow back.

Playing with scissors

The photo should be self-explanatory.

Happy birthday, kid

After two parties (and one to come) my monkey is finally four. She's been on a whirlwind tour of the midwest, showered with gifts, cakes and a little bit of love. If we're not careful, she'll start to think that Thanksgiving vacation is all about her. (Which it is.)

So don't be an Alice, grab a piece of cake and celebrate.

Cha Cha Cha.

I think I'm in trouble

I'd been hoping she'd be the one on the court playing. But I think she's destined for the sidelines.

Going shotgun shopping today.

Grandpa and the three fairies

Yeah. That right there makes the trip worth it.
Maybe not the getting up at 4 am part ...

When Kaylee grows up

Future plans (for today) include:

Be an acrobat.*

Live in New York.

Drive a pink truck.

* Past entries include: soldier, surgeon, waitress, veterinarian, cashier and mom.

How do you spell trouble?

Guess who found Mom's lipstick?

So tired

Mommy, I'm so tired.

Why honey?

I guess I just don't sleep as good as you and daddy.

You think? Why?

My bed is uncomfortable. Like the Princess and the Pea.

Guess we're going bed shopping soon ...

Monkeys

Just another day in The Monkeyhouse.

All Souls' Procession

We forgot our good camera, so all you get is this phone pic snapped in crappy light.

Good thing the subject is so photogenic.

My family

She got the shape of my head right ...

Who knew?

Apparently my daughter is the missing bastard child of Axl Rose and Jackie O.

Look what we got

Who wants school pictures?

Happy Howl-O-Ween

We decided to try out the Tucson Zoo's Howl-O-Ween party this year. Members got in early, but unless you pre-ordered tickets the line was still several hundred people deep. Luckily one of us was smart enough to scout around and find a spot to buy tickets. That saved us about 20 minutes.

There weren't any animals out (except the tiger and elephant who apparently refused to go to sleep early) but there were plenty of pirates ...

... and wenches ...

... and unofficial recreations of Disney characters ...

... wicked queens and princesses ...

... and minions ...

... The Dune Sea Garrison of the 501st (please note that my loving wife managed to crop Princess Leia in her slave outfit from the picture) ...

... Hutts (I was very excited that Kaylee wanted her picture taken with Jabba – until I realized she thought he was a really ugly seal) ...

... and cows (I had to bribe her with a piece of candy, but watching her square dance with a dork in a cow costume was worth it).

All in all a great way to spend $12 and about an hour and a half with the cutest witch, ever.

Defenestration

Mommy, today I wanted to play with Liam, but he wouldn't play with me.

Well, sometimes people don't want to play the same things. What did you want to play?

Window.

Window? How do you play that?

Two people go up in a castle and one of them pushes the other one out of the window and they die.

Liam didn't want to be the died one.

Image: The Defenestration of Prague, 1618

I don't need to smile

This is what it looks like when you know you're cute.

It's officially October

There's a ghost on my front door and a witch in my living room.
Bring on the candy.

What do Mommies do?

Daddy. When I grow up, I'm going to be a mommy and a sister and have a baby.

OK, that sounds like a good plan.

Yes. That is what I'm going to when I grow up.

What about your other plans? Don't you want to be a brain surgeon? Or a soldier? Or a ballerina?

Daddy. Mommies can be whatever they want.

Oh, OK.

Yes. Mommies can be whatever they have in their drawers.

Oh, that's good to know. What does your mommy have in her drawers?

Ummmmm. Shirts. And bras.

Dem bones ...

Kaylee drew my skeleton at school today. And she was kind enough to give it hair.

Spooky Bones.

Mom! My bones glow!

Observations that are fun at 3 am.

I call it tree trimmings ...

... she calls it a dragon nest. I like her idea better.

The weary traveller

She's been a pain in the butt.

She didn't want to take a nap.

She didn't want to eat lunch.

She was hungry 20 minutes later.

But a quick power nap and M&Ms make it all better. Behold, the power of chocolate.

Where you at?

Right here.

Taken at the base of the Space Needle. (Sitting on one of the legs.)

Neck hurt?

If she has chronic neck pain later in life, I'm pretty sure we can figure out where it comes from.

Markers + car trip

"I was trying to trace my nose."

It's not a vacation ...

... without s'mores.

From me to you

We've always wondered if Pork Chop really likes Kaylee or not. He's a moody dog and has seemed wary of her ever since we brought her home. Well, when we woke up this morning he had left her a present.

Of the dead bird variety.

Next to her bed.

At least it wasn't a snake.

My girls

Bedtime never goes exactly as planned.

The next Baba Wawa

Despite her protests

I bought a new car.

It was becoming too much of a pain in the butt to get Kaylee in and out of the Mustang. So this week we set out to find its four-doored replacement. After much hesitation on all of our parts, Rae and I (well, mostly me) pulled the trigger on a VW Jetta Sportwagon TDI. Yes, a diesel engine.

Kaylee wasn't so sure about the purchase. In fact, she was down right against it.

But I don't want you to sell your green car.

But I like your convertible car better.

What can I say? My girl's got taste.

Things I never thought I'd have to say as a parent

Hey! Get Cinderella out of your butt.

Car shopping with the kid

Kaylee and I have been driving all over town looking for a replacement for my car. I love my car, but I think I've finally reached the point when I need four doors and some hauling capacity.

I can always replace MY Mustang with this one. She'll let me drive.

Right?

Bye, Uncle Ry

We're seeing a lot of Ryan this summer. Proximity and a cute 3-y-o probably have a lot to do with that.

Not that any of us are complaining.

Especially Kaylee

She digs the swings. The shoes, not as much.

Check out those size 10s.

Kaylee drew a cat

And since I can't frame the driveway ...
I share it here.

Girl's gots skills.

Room cleaning

Rae has been talking about thinning the herd when it comes to Kaylee's toys. So it was no surprise when I came home to the two of them organizing toys into "keep" and "donate" piles.

The pinecones on the right are in the "donate" pile.

The "keep" pile on the left extends for at least another foot ...

Also, no surprise.

She loves books

She is reading the phone book.

The phone book.

Seriously.

Last night as a single dad

Rae returns from Vegas tonight. And while we've had a blast, it will be great to have my wingman back.

Kaylee and I celebrated the night with Pei Wei. (I had Shrimp Pad Thai and she had Yucky Chicken.)

If you believe in fortune cookies, the two of us have something to look forward to.

A day in the park

It was only 101º today — so we decided it was a perfect time to visit the park.

And while we were there I decided to play around with my new toy. The embedded HD video is shot and edited entirely on the new iPhone.

Not too shabby.

I'm not sleepy ...

I need a shotgun

SCENE: A Tucson rooftop. Fireworks burst in the distance over a small mountain. A crowd of friends and friends of friends have gathered to overeat, drink beer and watch stuff explode.

KAYLEE: Daddy, I want to go sit next to that boy.

DAD: Oh, Christ.

She runs over to ETHAN and sits down next to him. She begins to talk to him only to see him run away and seek shelter next to his PARENTS. Undeterred, KAYLEE pursues him.

ETHAN: Mommy, I don't want to sit next to that girl!

KAYLEE: But Ethan! Look at me. I have brown hair just like you!

ETHAN does his best to ignore the girl. Kaylee begins flipping her hair and shaking her head.

KAYLEE: And look what I can do. I do this with my hair sometimes.

DAD: Kaylee, we don't flip our hair at boys.

PARENTS: Oh yes she does!

DAD begins to sob quietly as the mountain begins to burn in the distance.

Let them eat cake

After a morning of cursing, I have finally beaten iMovie into submission. All so I could share 220+ photos of Kaylee eating birthday cake.

You'd better love me.

What's for snack?

CRACK CHERRIES.

Princess Kaylee

All royalty needs a throne.
And shoes that look like alligators.