Sure NOW I get warnings like this (edited, because it was just way too long):
For those with No children - this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious. For those who have children this age - this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children - this is birth control. See what you have to look forward to? The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas.
Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
9. Super glue is forever.
10. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
11. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
12. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
13. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. (I can vouch for this one.)
14. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
15. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
16. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
17. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.