Thursday, April 20, 2006

What are we doing?

How can we have a baby? What do we do with a baby? How does one care for a baby? Disposable diapers or cloth? How do you get himer to stop crying? What do you feed himer? When can s/he start eating pork chops? What will the dogs think? Will they try to eat himer? What if s/he gets sick? What if s/he poops if Rae isn't around? Where do I get a nanny? Or a housekeeper? Or day care? How do you baby-proof your home? If I don't get any sleep can I call in and take a sick day? How long until I can ship the kid off to grandpa's for the summer? Does a baby seat fit in a Mustang? Where are we going to put a baby? How much does a baby cost? Who's insurance do we put the kid on? What if my baby is lactose intollerant? Or allergic to sunlight?

So many questions. Good thing I have a few months to sort it all out.

2 comments:

mom said...

hey! what about sending himer to grandma's for the summer???

maggie said...

The answers: How can you have a baby? Well, when a Mommy and a Daddy love each other very much...do I really need to go on? What do you do with a baby? Dress Himer up and take Himer out; babies are total chick magnets. How does one care for a baby? Hold Himer. Burp Himer. Feed Himer. Let Himer sleep. Play with Himer. (Especially the airplane game!) Disposable diapers or cloth? I'm thinkin' a balance of the two, cloth at home and disposable for the road. Studies have shown that the chemicals needed to clean cloth diapers are just as detrimental to the environment as the disposable ones that don't biodegrad, but if I'm a baby, I'd much rather feel cloth next to my heinie than that other crap. How do you get himer to stop crying? Put Himer in water. Trust me, 99 times out of 100, this works. What do you feed himer? Leave that up to Rae, at least for a little while. Or consult the fine people at Enfamil. When can s/he start eating pork chops? Around age 3. But I'd start with ribs first; messy baby face is so much fun! What will the dogs think? "Gee, why did they have to get one of those ugly, hairless dogs? And why won't it stop barking?" Will they try to eat himer? Prolly not, but I wouldn't leave the three of them alone together for too long. What if s/he gets sick? S/He will, in fact, get sick. Himer is simply building Himer's immune system. This is good. What if s/he poops if Rae isn't around? Two words: Hose off. Where do I get a nanny? I'll check to see if Fran Drescher is available. Or a housekeeper? I'll check to see if Ann B. Davis is available. Or day care? Just store Himer in a locker at the bus depot. How do you baby-proof your home? Plug the outlets with those little plastic things; Latch the cabinet under the sink; Put breakables up high; Watch Himer like a hawk. If I don't get any sleep can I call in and take a sick day? Occasionally, but remember, you have about 21 years of no sleep now. Ya hafta choose your battles. How long until I can ship the kid off to grandpa's for the summer? About the same time Himer starts eating pork chops. Does a baby seat fit in a Mustang? Yep. I've done it. It makes you Cool Daddy. Where are we going to put a baby? Prolly in MY ROOM, and I'm not very happy about it. Temper tantrum is building... How much does a baby cost? Lots. But rumors indicate it's worth it. Who's insurance do we put the kid on? Whoever has the best plan. What if my baby is lactose intollerant? You'll ask me what to feed Himer. Soy milk is your friend. Or allergic to sunlight? Seriously, your kid will likely have a much more intersting affliction...say, an unnatural attraction to skunks. And I'll happily go along for the ride.