Christmas photos

They're coming.
I'm busy.
You'll live.

To Santa

"These are you cookies.
Love, Kaylee"

Secret Identities

Kaylee? Spidey?

Spidey? Kaylee?

Huh?

What you means I can't haz cakes?

"Blue Steel"

I think someone has been watching Zoolander.

Pole position

Chasing after Papa Allen's heart.

Best friends

Needed to get a picture of these before it rains today.

Post-birthday

The way leftover birthday cake was meant to be eaten.

Brinca'd

Birthday princess

She's had a long day.

Playing with dolls

Me: "I'm tickling Cinderella's feet."
Kid: "No, she is wearing glass slippers."
Me: "I don't see any slippers."
Kid: "Dad, they are glass."

It's Marie!

One of Kaylee's favorite books right now is the story of Edgar Degas' Little Dancer statue. So, since we were in STL, we just had to take a trip to Forrest Park to visit one of the castings.

Watching her run around behind to make sure she was wearing her "peach colored ribbon" was priceless for a dad who's favorite class was usually art history.

Unfortunately, we went late enough in the day that she was too grumpy for pictures.

I must have tired her out with dinosaurs at the Science Center.

How I spent my day

Sick.
Under a blanket.
Sippin' juice.
Rotting my brain on Nick Jr.

It had to happen sooner or later

Kalee got busted flushing toys today.
Luckily it was at school - so MY plumbing is safe.

From the mouth of babes ...

Kaylee's babysitter took notes.

My little hipster

The Princess and the Pee

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess. Princess Kaylee had never quite embraced the idea of Halloween. The year she dressed as a bee she screamed so loud her father the King and her mother the Queen never left the castle. The year she dressed as Spider-Man her royal parents took her to the kingdom of Lame (otherwise known as the City of Tucson's Safe Trick or Treat at TEP).

But unlike years past, Princess Kaylee was very excited about the concept of Trick or Treating this year. (That either had something to do with her recent discovery of candy or her lack of an bug-inspired costume.) The idea of traveling the land to show off her pretty dress AND get candy in the process appealed to her vanity and her sweet tooth. So her father the King and her mother the Queen were looking forward to a trouble-free evening as they packed up their princess and drove over to a friend's kingdom. (Because everyone knows that TWO princesses means TWICE the candy.)

But in a fairy tale, nothing ever goes right the first time.

Now it is not clear if she was so excited about the evening that she just forgot to powder her royal nose — or if the extra large dress was just too much for her to handle in the royal bathroom — but in the end, there was a royal mess.

And a wet floor.

And wet shoes.

Oh yeah, and a wet dress.

The kings and queens were overjoyed.

Luckily, princess had the power of not one, but two queens on hand. (Not to mention the vast wardrobe of a girl of similar size available.) The floor was cleaned, shoes were swapped out and the dress was hand-washed and blown dry in under twenty minutes.

Soon the two princesses and their mothers the queens were off to the kingdom of Sam Hughes to ravish the countryside with cuteness — while the kings stayed at the castle to terrify young visitors, eat candy and play Xbox.

And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END

Meet Jack

35 degrees in Tucson

Yeah. Mom went a little overboard.

Pumpkin carving

You'll have to wait until tomorrow to see the finished product, we're
waiting for Mom.
But here's something to tide you over.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMMp_saurio

Moo!

Daddy, daughter dance

The last time I danced at a wedding, fourteen people died from the awesome overdose. So I don't dance. I just don't. Don't ask — it won't happen.

Unless you're this cute.

Then I can't say no.

Batty

Nothing quite says "this is the perfect spot for a wedding" like a giant, metal bat sculpture.

Well, nothing other than glass cases full of dead birds — but we had that too.

Rockin'

It would seem that GG's favorite chair is also Kaylee's.

Frog

This is Kaylee's new friend Frog. She met him within seconds of arriving at GG's house. He immediately replaced Tickle Bunny as the favorite — which is saying a lot.

Frog shared a bed with the three of us every night we stayed in Winston-Salem. This was rather inconvenient since Frog tends to sprawl out in his sleep.

And kick.

Super-sugary sweet

Perhaps the sweetest photo of my girl ever taken.

So far.

Breakfast of Champions

"Fruit Lips"

Getting ready ...

to DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!!!

Visiting with GG

"Love you. Feel better GG."
"Well that was right out of your heart."
"No. My heart is not out."

This is ...

... what 5 am at the airport (sans coffee) feels like.

The Colonel

Apparently, bubble goatees are hillarious.

There will be cake (and possibly blood)

We took Kaylee to the neighbor's birthday party today. We were told it was just a small affair at a nearby park. It was the three of us, our neighbors, the 10-year-old birthday girl and her brother and sister.

And about 40 other family members. None of whom we had ever met.

But that didn't stop Kaylee. She charmed the adults. She found herself playing with all the cousins (despite being one of the youngest by far). Despite a full morning playing with her best friend and no nap – she played her heart out and was a complete angel. I was really quite proud of her.

(And you should see her dribble a soccer ball. The kid has skills I didn't have when I was five.)

I'm not sure if she noticed it first, or if we showed it to her, but she became very interested in the piñata. It was huge, covered in mylar and streamers and I can only imagine what it looked like to a two-year-old hanging high in that tree with the sunlight catching it just so.

She joined the small group of children who gathered around it as one of the uncles tested the rope. Up and down it bounced in the sky and with each rise Kaylee's eyes got a little bit larger. She got even more excited when I told her it was filled with candy. (She likes candy.)

"Daddy, can I touch it?"

I said sure and gave her a little push on her butt to send her in the right direction.

She didn't quite make it up to the piñata when one of the aunts cornered her and shooed her into a line of children ranked small to big. Being one of the youngest, Kaylee was second in line and had a great view as the birthday girl was handed the stick.

Dale, dale, dale,

no pierdas el tino;

Porque si lo pierdes

pierdes el camino.

Ya le diste una,

ya le diste dos;

Ya le diste tres,

y tu tiempo se acabó

Kaylee's smile widened as everyone started singing and the piñata started bouncing up and down. So you can imagine the look of absolute terror that took over when this older girl (whom Kaylee idolizes) started beating the living hell out of this poor papier maché star.

The poor kid spend the next five minutes on our laps, crying her eyes out while all the other children took their turns whacking away as bits and pieces of their target rained to the ground.

All I could think was, thank God the birthday girl is too old for a Dora the Explorer piñata.

Right before it was about to break, Kaylee figured it all out and decided that it looked like fun and took a few whacks at it. And once she had the candy in her hand she was definitely over it.

Just don't expect to see a repeat performance at her party next month.

How I know I have a little girl, addendum

But she's got a decent spiral. She can hit Mom from 3 feet every time.

At this rate she's already better than anyone throwing for the Bears.

How I know I have a little girl, reason 427

Little boys never want to get up and dance with the princess at the end of the movie.

New shades

Perfect for top-down drivin'.

That's a lotta Kaylees

Kaylee and a freshly-stuffed Tickle Bunny enjoy an impromptu story
time while Mom and Dad shop at the Banana Republic.

C'est fini

Sure, her elephant has five red legs ... But it also has two eyes, a trunk, two ears, a sky and a pond to stand in.
Now I just have to get her to keep it up and she can support me by being a famous artist.

Masterpiece in progress

Swear to God - she painted this elephant on her own. (Well, Rae did one ear to get her started.)

Sure beats anything I ever did at two-years-old.

Dear Polar Bear,

I hope you enjoy your letter.
Your friend,
Kaylee

The driving lesson

SCENE: A CAR - DRIVING

A FATHER is driving his Mustang convertible with his TWO-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER strapped into her carseat in the rear of the vehicle. THE FATHER is desperately trying to move from the left lane to the right lane so he can make his turn - but the STUPID DRIVER next to him is not cooperating.

THE FATHER speeds up - and the STUPID DRIVER speeds up.

FATHER (FRUSTRATED): Motherf ...

His voice trails off as he remembers the presence of his TWO-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.

THE FATHER slows down – and the STUPID DRIVER also slows down.

FATHER (A LITTLE LOUDER): God damm ...

Again THE FATHER catches himself. He speeds up in a last ditch effort to get around the STUPID DRIVER which, of course, speeds up.

FATHER (VERY AGITATED): Sweet Jesus you f ...

Grinding his teeth to keep from completing the sentence, THE FATHER again slows down. And so does the STUPID DRIVER.

THE FATHER - now to the point of stammering in frustration - comes to an almost complete stop and slides in behind the STUPID DRIVER just in time to make his turn.

FATHER (SHAKING HIS FIST): You mot ... *mumble* ... stupid fuc ... *mumble* ... DOUCHEBAG!!!

THE FATHER immediately realizes what he has done and knows that the best thing to do is to calm down and pretend like nothing out of the ordinary has happened. If he doesn't make a big deal out of it the TWO-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER will forget about it as soon as she is distracted by a passing motorcycle or school bus. He calmly composes himself, regrips the steering wheel and continues on his journey.

Several moments pass. The TWO-YEAR-OLD is contemplating the events.

TWO-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER: Daddy?

FATHER (KNOWING WHAT IS COMING): Yes dear?

TWO-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER: Why you tell him "push back?"

THE FATHER breathes a sigh of relief and collects his thoughts.

FATHER: Because he was driving too fast honey. Daddy needed to let him know that he was being a bad driver.

TWO-YEAR-OLD: Yeah. He is a bad driver. Just like Uncle James.

It's official.

She's a princess.

Worse. She's a Disney Princess. (The days of Manman seem to be so long ago now.)

This was supposed to be for her birthday, but the little stinker caught me buying it — so this is Halloween instead.

She's already asking for a "beautiful Cinderella" dress for her birthday ... which we already bought.

We're such suckers.

Natural beauty

I'll let you figure out which I'm talking about.

Now THAT'S a rain puddle

My girls

With my latest upside-down table drawing.

(This one of the Wild Thing variety.)

My daughter, the comedian

Knock knock.

Who's there.

Cargo.

Cargo who?

Cargo beep beep!

Kaylee's first ball game

We decided that it being Labor Day weekend, we needed to give Kaylee some culture. Or maybe we just wanted to get out of the house. Either way, despite some ominous looking clouds, we ended up at Hi Corbett Field for what is probably the final game in the Tucson Toros' debut season.

It was Kaylee's first trip to the ball field (and our first minor league game) and while she seemed to enjoy it, I predicted that we'd be heading home after the third inning because she'd be bored.

The kid thought it was pretty cool, what with all the popcorn and the stomping and the clapping and the music. Oh - and Tuffy. He's the Toros' mascot and he gives some of the best highfives ever.

So one man on, two outs in the bottom of the third and Kaylee is going strong. She's waving my keys, yelling "AW BUMMER" when the bail sails over the center fielder's head and shaking her groove thing to a mix of the Jackson Five and the Beastie Boys.

And then the thunder starts getting closer. And then ...

Twenty seconds later, we were soaked and running for cover. But all in all, not a bad night.

We'll be back next season. And I can't wait to take her to Wrigley ...

Bubble wrapped

Yes - it's cute. But I haven't had my coffee yet.

Puppet theatre

Any negative comments will be taken personally by the players in the troupe.

And it is the little hand's first time in front of the camera.

Give her a break. What were you expecting?

Pinter?

Kaylee says ...

"It is a beautiful day to put the top off Daddy's car."

I hope Iana likes Cinderella

Kaylee: I would like a big dress like in my Cinderella book.
Rae: Well, your birthday is coming up. Maybe then.
Kaylee: No. I will have a big dress for Andrew's wedding.

Sweet tooth

Boyfriends

"Collin is my boyfriend," says Kaylee.

"Oh, he is," says Mommy. "What's a boyfriend?"

"A boyfriend is shaking hands and going down the slide," says Kaylee.

Words of wisdom

Get in on the fun - or get out of the way.

Fresh from the mud pit

Nice, booger.

What did you learn in school today?

She's got the words down - we're still working on the counting ...

The Dork Side is strong with this one.

I didn't get to go to SDCC this year. Heck, I've only been once - but what a sight. It's like Disneyworld for dorks. So it should be no surprise that I want to return - especially since it's within driving distance. (Too bad the insane hotel prices put it out of reach for the time being.)

But I don't bring it up because I want to whine. (If I were going to do that, it would be about the two Wilco and one Jeff Tweedy show I can't go to in Chicago. Boo!) I bring it up because I found this awesome photo on design-God Chip Kidd's website:

And I want it to be me.

I know that's wrong (and possible considered child abuse) but that is just so awesome.

Darth Dad and Darth Daughter, whoever you really are, don't let the man (or Child Protective Services) get you down.

"I'm a Mac"

"I haffa send my email for Maggie."

In honor of SDCC weekend

What does Spider-Man taste like?

What does Kaylee bring to the table?

BIG MUSCLES.

Some days

... you just don't want to do anything except snuggle up with your best friend – who, in this case, happens to be a cross-dressing monkey.

And a little something for the Gs

A conversation with Kaylee

Does this work?

Code Monkey

... or how I spent my weekend and what I picked up for the kid.

Daycare quotes

Thank you Disney

Right before vacation we were on one of our many Target excursions and we happened upon the little girls' underwear aisle. (A new place for me for those of you who may be wondering.) Here Kaylee spotted the article of clothing that would change her life.

Little. Mermaid. Panties.

We didn't buy them then - but we did promise her that if she started using the potty all the time, we would soon.

Now, I've seen a lot of people get excited about a lot of things, but I have never seen anyone get as excited about anything as she did about the thought of wearing a cartoon character on her butt. This even includes my wife when I proposed to her - she just looked dumb-struck. (Maggie can keep any and all comments about being surprised about anyone being excited to marry me to herself.)

Fast-forward to vacation and Kaylee is not only using the potty, but she's even staying dry overnight. Thirty-six hours a pop and the whole time she keeps reminding us about her need for Little Mermaid panties. (It really is adorable when she says it.) I feel a bit stupid for buying extra Pull-Ups while we were there, because she hardly used any of them.

So now we're home - and since I'm a Dad of my word, my little girl is wearing big girl underpants. We've had a few accidents (the most notable being the wee wee on the Wii I mentioned earlier) but dry for the most part. It's like a switch went off and it was just time to do it.

If there is any trick to this, I think it is to find what your kid loves the most - and promise them underpants with that printed on it. Or if I let Kaylee explain it (in another quote from daycare):

Tonight's conversation

Me: I'm going to flush you down the toilet!

Kaylee: No! I will get pee and poopies all over me!

Ummmm ...

Only pee and poop goes in the toilet!

...

I'm not poop Daddy.

Potty training

More later ... but I wanted to update with the fact that this afternoon the kid went wee-wee on the Wii.

The fact that it's 1:30 in the morning makes it a little funnier now.

Binkless

I know you judged me. That's OK.

When I "threw" my daughter's bink out the window of a moving car during a North Carolina roadtrip, I bet you thought there were better ways to handle it. Sure, at the time I could have come up with a better way to handle a cranky monkey. God knows it didn't make the rest of that trip go any easier. But in the end it worked out for the best.

Despite a couple of rough nights, Kaylee hasn't used a bink to sleep since that day. Sure, she's asked for it. She's even tried rationalizing that "it was just an accident" and that Daddy will give it back. She didn't need it on the plane trip(s) home and now she's not even missing it.

In short, I was right. And it makes for a good story. Also, it will likely help pay a therapist's mortgage later on down the road.

You're welcome doctor.

WAS@thelakehouse - KAYLEE EDITION

Kaylee has really developed the photography bug - at least a quarter of the shots we brought home were hers. Here are a few of the highlights from the collection:


ELEPHANTS!, from the wildlife collection, 2009


LION!, from the wildlife collection, 2009


SQUIRREL!, from the wildlife collection, 2009


DORKS!, from the wildlife collection, 2009


Picture of my picture, environmental portrait, 2009


Door, environmental portrait, 2009


Boat ride, environmental portrait, 2009


Where they make the clouds, environmental portrait, 2009


Mom, portrait, 2009


Aunt JJ, portrait, 2009


Uncle James, portrait, 2009


Izzybutt, portrait, 2009


Uncle thumb-face, portrait, 2009


Dad and GG, portrait, 2009


Grandpa Charlie & Grandma Cindy, portrait, 2009


Aunt Bex, portrait, 2009


Uncle Steve, portrait, 2009
(a "Grandma Trimmer photo" for those in the know)


Aunt Mary & Aunt Ruth, portrait, 2009


Alice & half an aunt, portrait, 2009


The artist, self portrait, 2009