Jelly belly

Rae's friend Mel came over to the house and shot some pictures of the belly in our back yard last weekend. Just thought I'd share some of the highlights.

Isn't my wife cute? (Click image to enlarge – the photo not the belly.)

Back at the Baby Doctor

So today was the first of what will be Rae's weekly appointments with the Baby Doctor. Yes, we are far enough along in all of this that we have to go every week now. I'm not really sure what the point of all these visits are (other than charging the HMO billable hours.) I guess it's to make sure Rae doesn't deliver the baby without knowing it.

Good to see you again Racheal. How was your week?

It was OK. I've been experiencing a little bit of discomfort.

Really? Well, let's take a look.

(Baby Doctor sticks her head under the sheet.)

Well here's the problem, you've already delivered your baby.

Huh, that explains what I've been tripping over. And why my pants fit.

I wonder if bad jokes are hereditary and if I'm in any danger of passing that on to my unborn child. Actually, if you know my dad - you already know the answer to that question.

Meat Angus (updated)

So there will be two little girls in my family.

My sister gave birth to Alice Ruth at 3:51 am this morning. (I called a boy at 2:30 - so I was close.)

Either that, or she looks like Yoda. (Turns out, she looks like a Bathje.)

And yes, her name will be Angus. (Don't blame me, I got the idea from Matt's family.) I hope that it doesn't scar her too much.

You have no idea how hard it is to pin a hat on a llama

It's official. We graduated from llama class.

I'm not sure that we learned everything we were supposed to, there was no final grade, no big test. There was, however, a diploma handed out at the end of the day.

Well, more of a certificate really. But it was printed on a nice heavy card stock. Our teacher encouraged us to color it in. And to have lots of sex, though I'm not sure the two weren't mutually exclusive of each other.

No, seriously. She wanted us to color in our certificate. Weird, huh?

So now we're all ready to be parents. We're just going to sit around and wait. Well, wait and watch. My sister is about a month ahead of us in this - and she's getting induced in about 24 hours.

So my plan is to watch what she does. If she tries something and it works - we'll try it. If she screws something up - we'll avoid that. I think it's a pretty good plan. My niece/nephew (they're not sure what it is - but either way it's name will be Angus) will be like Kaylee's stunt double. Kaylee's not jumping 15 flaming school buses on a motorcycle until Angus does it first.

According to Rae

The kid had the hiccups again today – or she REALLY likes The Clash.

Personally, I like to think my daughter would have good taste in music – so I'll go with the latter.

I didn't know this was an option ...

But I think I need one of these ...


And then I'll look at getting one of these in about 16 years ...

No one dates my daughter without a trunk monkey chaperone.

And in this corner ...

While Rae was happy she maintained her weight from her previous visit (actually she lost half a pound), Kaylee has put on a little weight. The kid is now weighing in at an estimated 3.5 to 4 pounds.

And yes Chunk, that is pre-cooked weight.

That means she should pretty much double in size over the next month and a half. I'm sure Rae loves the thought of that. Especially after watching all those videos in llama class.

Interesting fact ...

Babies can get the hiccups before they are even born. Kaylee had them last night – instead of the normal kicks or rolls it was like Rae was incubating a Mexican jumping bean.

I think the kid just must have had too much to drink.

Rae is headed to the baby doctor this morning (actually one of the flying monkeys) and we're going to meet with a doctor of babies (pediatrician) this afternoon.

EDIT: Rae's already done with the BDM. She's officially lost a half a pound since last time (which she's thrilled about) and her uterus is officially up in her rib cage (which she's not so thrilled about.) Next visit is with the actual Baby Doctor in two weeks. Rae is down to have her fluids checked, tires rotated and get a full wash and wax.

Movie time

It's no secret that Rae and I enjoy our time at the movies. We probably see more movies in a year than everyone reading this thing combined. (And I'm not counting Andrew – because all he sees are those artsy-fartsy movies. And it's part of his job. Doesn't count.)

We've decided that we're going to see a movie every weekend until the baby is born. We want to stock up on fun if you will – because I refuse to be that annoying couple who brings a 6-month old to a loud action movie. You know - the one who always starts crying the minute the hero is speaking in hushed dialouge.

I hate those people. (And if you ARE those people – hang your head in shame.)

This has been going on for a while. Here's a quick summary of what we've seen – and what we thought of it.


Jackass: Number Two – There is nothing funnier in this world than watching a dwarf punch an unsuspecting man-child in the testicles. And as an added bonus, the film's title is a poop joke. I could watch this movie over and over and over ... and if Rae tries to tell you she didn't like it she's a dirty, dirty liar.

Fearless: This is supposed to be Jet Li's last action role. Well, Mr. Li may be getting on in years but he still knows 437 ways to kill you before you even notice. If subtitles are a problem for you – I know some people just don't like to read a movie – then you might want to skip this one. But really, do you need subtitles to understand a roundhouse kick to the dome?

The Departed: Martin Scorcese is a movie making god. And that Jack Nicholson guy isn't half bad either. This film is going to clean house come Oscar time. That's really all you need to know about this movie. That, and despite being saddled with the Baldwin name, Alec steals every scene he appears in.

Next week: Given the lack of quality films coming out, we may have a hard time finding something to see. I guess we can always double-dip and go see Jackass again.

Ummm, yeah.

So we got up early and went to llama class. I'm not ashamed to say I learned a few things.

• The llama class teacher is too damn chipper. Especially that early in the morning. We rolled in still drinking our morning coffee – this woman must have had a triple-shot latte I.V. for breakfast.
  
• Just because a mom walks in and her partner is another woman – it doesn't mean they are lesbians. Well, not in real life ... but in my head ...
• We watched a video. Normally I like taking a break in class and watching a movie. That's probably because I'd never seen a video of someone delivering a placenta before. It looked like someone turned cantaloupe inside out.
• I hope these breathing exercises help Rae relax. Because all they do is make me laugh. ("Picture yourself in a boat, on a river ...")
• All of the other dads look way more into this whole thing than me. I'm not sure if it's because they are just more in touch with their feminine sides, or if they just fear the wrath of their wives more. Or maybe they're all closet hippies.
  

Afterward, we visited another day care. Now I don't know if we have unusually high standards, the last visit set the bar really high, or if this place just stunk. But it did stink.

Like diapers.

Or at least it did to Rae – she of the hormonally-altered nose. Me? I just couldn't get over the fact that it was in a strip mall.

Even though this place is close to half the price of the last place – I'm thinking it will end up pretty low on our list.

דייקאר, דייכאר

So Rae and I checked out our first daycare possibility this morning. It's supposed to be one of the best in town. They seem to have a nice program, good kid to teacher ratio, nice people. It's affiliated with one of the Jewish Temples here in town.

Personally, I think that's kind of cool. Now before anyone starts – we're not even thinking about converting. I just like the idea of my kid being exposed to another culture. (God knows it could be tough to come by growing up in the cornfields of central Illinois.) If we're lucky, Kaylee will be speaking English, Spanish and Hebrew by the time she's two.

Now all I have to do is learn two of those languages.

One thing was kind of strange – the whole place is locked down like a fortress. Cameras everywhere. You need a special key fob to get in the door. I'm surprised there wasn't a secret handshake.

Or maybe there was. They just don't tell you what it is until after you've cleared the waiting list.

So we wait for an opening ... and in the meantime, we should have checked out another three or four places in the next week.

And tomorrow? Lamaze class starts. Rae and I get to learn all about "natural child birth." And all I can think about is Bill Cosby ...

I was all excited ...

Rae emailed me this morning and told me we got a cake. One of her coworkers brought her a "diaper cake" his sister made. (She has a business or something. Apparently there is a market for diaper cakes. Who knew?)

So I've got dessert on the mind after having pie for the last few nights. I'm trying to figure out how one makes a cake that looks like a diaper. And why one would even think to try to make one in the first place. Does it actually look like a diaper? Does it have a creamy, fudge center?


Turns out, it's not something that would taste very good. It's a bunch of diapers arranged to look like a cake. I'm sure all those diapers will come in handy in a few months - but I was really looking forward to eating some cake.

Especially since the pie is gone.

Mmmmmmm ... pie*

*Please note that pie has nothing to do with babies. In fact, babies are out of season right now and would taste horrible in a pie. They're just too tart. We suppose you could always use canned baby, but that just wouldn't seem right. Baby season is right around the corner. We know it's hard – but you're just going to have to wait.